I am not considered a beautiful woman. In my country, my appearance doesn’t turn heads. If I meet a guy for the first time, after looking at him for a moment, I know that I’m not a girl he would be romantically interested in. I think this has become basically a norm in my life. I have been able to almost emotionally detach myself. And frankly, it wasn’t even something I really noticed until I went to college. And I had to be an adult to fully understand that looks do, in fact, matter. For a long time, I did not realise how big of an impact physical appearance makes on my day-to-day life.
I have never seen myself as ugly. I actually really hate that word. Why should society get to dictate what is beautiful and what is not? Big girls were often thought as life providers until the standards changed. The more I thought about it the more I started to get really angry.
So now I’m a grown woman, living on my own, and I tried to mitigate my obesity. Basically, people that didn’t give me the time of day before, would now all of a sudden want to talk to me. Just because I look better.
And what’s really infuriating me, is that my personality hasn’t really changed. From guys that I have encountered in my life, it didn’t matter so much that a girl would have a killer personality, was funny, smart, or nice. If she wasn’t ‘hot’ she wasn’t worth it. She would be eternally friend-zoned. Someone who is a blast to hang out with, but never anything more. I have finally come to the conclusion that it all comes down to what you look like.
And sure, men will tell you that what matters is the personality, commonality of interests – and sure, maybe they’re right. But these things can be discovered only if you’re beautiful. As if being overweight is the worst thing a girl could possibly be. Not mean, not shallow, not stupid, or manipulative. But fat. How dare we.